本帖最后由 班玛藏龙 于 2011-4-27 17:56 编辑
As time went by, it has been almost 4 years since I began to learn Buddhism. While what had happened to me is a serious question that I should consider carefully. I won't rather draw a conclusion easily now, but would really want to talk about what I am experiencing recently.
Story One
Lately I had the chance occasionally to be an unqualified teacher for some youngsters. My Guru told me the process of teaching others is also that of learning from them. While the fact on me just turned out to be quite on the contrary. I became more and more arrogant and impatient. I have been stressing the attitude that these youngsters should face their study and show less care about how they really feel and how they think of me in their real heart. By far, in my eyes, they are getting less improvement than I had expected, I am having less enthusiasm than I had. Now the course has quitted, but it will restart soon for both parties should think carefully how to proceed in a right way.
Story Two
Once in a while, I have the authority from my Guru to write some articles on his blog and to serve as one of his secretaries, which can explain why I can contact him a little bit more than some others outside but still less than those where he inhabits. Despite both of my quality and skills are very poor, I have been trying best to manage what I can. As time flies by, unawares people are expecting more from me and as a reward I am expecting more from others. Now, the problem appears. Neither the readers/listeners nor I got what we had anticipated from each other. Admiration, jealousy and hatred pop up everywhere. I spoiled it.
I'm not bitching here but to let me face the fact and get it through. Thanks to one of my Buddhism Brother, also my good friend for many years, taking the chance of a Fasheng Dharma Assembly held last weekend, she gave me a lesson by pointing out how she thought what I had done wrong. The conclusion is what has been emphasized by my Guru millions of time that HOW TO POSITION ONESELF PROPERLY.
Theoretically, before enlightenment, I will always be an ignorant sentient being. What I can do only is to attain wisdom from the source of wise to let go the poison that has been polluting the real nature of mine. What's the source? According to the classics of Vajrayana Buddhism, the only source is my ULTIMATE GURU who transforms differently and by all means to enlighten me. As a receiver, the prerequisite in me is the confidence that never goes backward and a pure mind built up on the former until I become identical mentally or as perfectly wise as my Guru. Let me jump out of the theory and pull myself back into the fact. What had happened to me? I've been jumping up and down and have never found a proper position. Being such an arrogant person who I am, I had never faced myself properly. Who are driven behind are always the five kinds of poison, Craving, Hatred, Ignorance, Arrogance and Suspicion, five friends who live with me until enlightenment.
Up to now, the topic seems to be boring and fall into a rut. But what I dare to say is at this very moment that I write this article I am confessing, confess for what I had behaved wrong that I can recognize within this period, for my arrogance, for my ignorance, for the affliction, the pains, the jealousy and the worry or even the hurt that I have brought for others on the surface due to the wrong measure that I took but in fact caused by the poison "friends" I had never treat rightly.
In conclusion, I want to tell myself I am nothing and am not qualified at all for being the one who evaluates others. From now on, I wanna set me free! |
[复制链接]
发表于 2011-4-25 11:13:42
发表于 2011-4-25 15:17:43
楼主
发表于 2011-4-27 00:29:38